What If Every UK Player Got Hurt?

Align Center
random pic, nothing to do with the post, but it's funny!!

Last night I had some crazy thought that ran through my head so I decided to make it into a blog post. What if every UK player got sick or injured and couldn't play in the upcoming NCAA tournament? That would be awful, right? Of course it would. You know what would be even worse? What if the NCAA allowed the university to use Revolting Blog writers as their replacements? By now you're thinking I'm an idiot. You are correct, but I'm gonna go ahead with the piece anyway. I'm gonna tell you who would replace who, and I'm gonna tell you why each writer would be a worthy replacement.

JV (me) - I would be a hybrid combo version of Bledsoe and Dodson. I've been known to make senseless drives into traffic and make silly turnovers (Bledsoe). I'm also pretty good at taking random jumpers that will leave you scratching your head. Those are the bad points. Like Bledsoe and Dodson I will also occasionally knock down several of those jumpers. Sometimes I even come up with a big rebound or defensive play. It's not a normal part of my game, but I once dove into my brother-in-law's knee trying to win a hotly contested game at Bremen. I've got a scar to prove it.

Deh Beh (Bunch) - Jorts. This one is easy. He will get you some rebounds. He will hit you some 3's. He looks good in jean shorts. There's really not much else to say. Bunch is like the Central City version of Josh Harrelson.

The Amish Electrician (Jon Littlepage) - Since we don't really have a John Wall I've gotta give it to the closest thing on the Revolting staff, and that's Littlepage. At least the 1993 version of Littlepage would be the closest thing we have to Wall. Maybe he can't even dribble a ball anymore. I haven't laid eyes on Littlepage in years, at least not in person, so I really don't know. If we were taking the place of Erruption Zone fans then Jon would be that guy behind the goal with the beard. Anyway, his name is Jon, so he's our Wall.

Bob Gas (Bullock) - This is our Patrick Patterson, aka "Black Kool-Aid". He can post up for buckets. He can step out and hit the 3. He will keep us in order when things start going bad. Patterson also seems to really like college, much like Brian. I think he's taken a class in every school year since he graduated in 1995.

Tom Vinson - Boogie. Tom is the logical choice to be our Demarcus Cousins. He's my cousin, but that's not really relevant. Tom is much like Boogie. He has the ability to dominate the paint, but would love to handle the ball and shoot 3's. The main difference in Tom and Boogie is that when we play Tom doesn't have a coach that makes him stay in the paint. Therefore he gets to do all of the things that Boogie wishes he could do. If we actually replaced the Cats for the tournament then Tom could also be Orton because I'm quite sure he and Coach Cal would get in a heated argument and Tom would be banished to the locker room. The only question is how long would it take Coach Padgett to calm him down and get him to the sideline for that apologetic fist bump?

Ho (the one with the package) - Ho is a hard one to compare to a current Cat but I'm gonna go with the "prairie dog" Perry Stevenson. Perry hasn't shown it much this year but he hit some nice mid-range jumpers last year and was even a 3 point threat, much like the Villain Ho. They both can also get some key rebounds. Ho can even block some shots like Stevenson, although not with the same consistency. Both of these guys also will get into somebody's face when the situation warrants it, even though they are both easy going guys. They're also both skinny.

Sizzler (Shane Hardison) - I'm gonna say the Sizzling one is Deandre Liggins. He'll do all the little things that don't show up in the stat sheet. Technically all of us do that because we don't have a stat sheet. He'll play some D. He'll get some rebounds. He'll dish the rock. He'll hit a jumper if you don't respect him. One time at the Gish Park 6' and under tournament, aka the "Dwight Gamble Invitational", the Sizzler even refused to enter a game. Ok, I made that up. While the DGI is on my mind I'd like to mention that Tom "Boogie" Vinson once played in that tournament. I also once managed to get the refs to call a technical on an opposing coach for being out of the coaches box, which didn't even exist at Gish Park. That coach was not happy. That's what they get for letting 6'3" white guys play in that tournament.

Chris Faith - Mark Krebs. You rarely hear much from Faith, but everybody likes him. That's pretty much Mark Krebs, right?

So there you have it. Your 2010 Revolting Wildcats. If this ridiculous scenario actually did come true, I would put all of my money on East Tennessee State. We would not cover the spread, which would be astronomical.