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I often wonder...

where I fit in the scheme of this blogtastic new millennium we call the 21st century. There are millions of blogs by bloggers who blog about every topic under the sun. From the metaphysical hypotheses of up and coming NASA prodigies to the newest shade of Hoodrat fingernail polish and the latest Souljah Weezy download, a blog somewhere out there has it covered. Even the minority of the minority of the minority--one-eyed Vietnamese transgender refugee lounge singers who love 50 Cent and BDSM--have a place within the tangled and growing interwebs. So, it comes as no surprise to me that there is no shortage of intelligent (and not so intelligent) blogs dedicated to black gay men and the black gay Diaspora. Do not read the previous statement as a pretentious acquittal of society's shortcomings in relation to faces and lives and stories of black LGBTQ being seen and heard; but rather, read it as an acknowledgment of the progress the black gay community is making in spite of mainstream media's attempt to erase our existence (until they need our vote! "Paging the black folk for Prop 8. Paging the black folk for Prop 8. Hello...is this thing on?").
Still, as a burgeoning writer, activist, and thinker, I work much to find my voice and the audience for said voice. And of course, I want to have an answer on deck when someone asks that question that all artistic-heads dread: what makes you different than what's already out here, there, everywhere? To which my unkempt, locked and loaded tongue would enjoy replying, "I'm me, biatch!" But, because my public persona requires, among other things, a sociable and highly effective dose of professionalism, I want to have a nice little blurb that is readily accessible for whomever the asinine, yet, inquisitive, person may be.
Here goes.


"envy, what makes you different from what's already out here in the blogosphere?"



1. my DNA
2. my birthmark
3. I don't eat red meat...or read meet...or read meat.
4. I wear glasses...sometimes.
5. I'm a really jazzy dancer.
6. My lungs are abnormally large. They're the size of those belonging to a man 250 lbs or more. I'm 150...wet.
7. I'm really cute. Like kittens and babies. Cute--like baby kittens.
8. My music taste cannot be pinpointed. If my iPod was placed into a time capsule for E.T. and his babydaddy and 'nem to find, there would be more than enough selections spanning every genre and subgenre from Aaliyah and Adele to Zero 7 and ZZ Hill.
9. I am literate. (Did I spell that right?)
10.Ladies love me. Seriously. The womenfolk take care of envy and well...envy, takes care of the womenfolk.
11.I have two parents. One with a penis. One without...but, you couldn't tell him differently.
12.Most days, I am black in that race kind of way. Other days, I'm just black in that it's-what-comes-naturally-to-me kind of way.
13.I garden. I have plants. They have names like Earl, The Fuzz, Miss Priss, Lady Luck, Skittles 1 and Skittles 2, Shamtastic, Shirley (she's an orchid), and Fat Joe, cause he leans back.
14.I have every season of “Will & Grace” on DVD. I suspend my disbelief while watching because in their world there are only three black people: the late and forever handsome Gregory Hines, Taye Diggs, and Mrs. Winslow from Steve Urkel's “Family Matters.” That's right. Almost nine years without any black people. The writing is great, though...even if, their pens never seemed to have enough (if any) black ink.
15.I read the Bible. I read the Koran. I read the Horoscope. I read the Almanac. I read Dr. Seuss. I like to read. That's all.
16.I'm photogenic. I'm vain. I am one step closer to being "America's Next Top Model!"
17.My favorite color is gold...and brown...and green...and blue.
18.I have a black cat who is obese and snobbish and cute, not necessarily in that order. Which came first: the chicken or the egg? Who cares. My cat's fat.
19.I don't wear a watch. Time doesn't seem to mind.
20.I have a penis. She has a name.
21.I'm pregnant with James Baldwin's baby. He's dead, you know. This sounds creepy. But it's true.
22.I've kept a diary-- No! I've kept a journal since the age of eight. Yeah...I keep diaries. Don't tell anyone. Tell everyone.
23.My calling is servitude. My talent is writing. My love is you--the listener, the reader, the friend, the enabler.
24.I have an addiction. Well...I have many addictions. One of which is pillow collecting. If it's cute, I buy it. My bed, futon, corner chair, floor, and closet shelves are puking pillows. Lovely image, don't you think?
25.I don't watch much television. The news is scary depressing traumatic biased wrong confusing frustrating untrue trustworthy sad lame repetitive gross expensive. But, YouTube is a healthy diversion.
26.I pray.
27.Exercise is right up there with clean teeth and finding my future babydaddy: it's on my mind every second of every minute of every hour of every day. I wake up. Wash my face. Clean my teeth. Exercise. Shower. Work. School. Eat. Clean my teeth. Exercise. Shower. Sleep.
28.I'm a Capricorn, sometimes. I'm an Aquarius, too.
29.I sing. On key.
30.I love men and sometimes it's gay. Sometimes it's just fun. Sometimes it's easy. Sometimes they love me back.
31.The parentals are brilliant and strong and mine.
32.I dance even when you can't hear the music playing in my head. It's okay. I don't point and laugh. From what I hear, it's embarrassing to be left out.
33.I plan to make mistakes.
34.God loves me & I do, too.
35.I have a blog.

*mental note*

Ask_____"what makes you so different from the other asinine and inquisitive folks out here, there, and everywhere?"

In the end, my blog is yet another pocket in which I choose to exist. It's that place on my way to school that's not Starbuck’s but still spells latte with two t's so that I won't start my day off with only one. It's that Mom & Pop shop that's managed to continue to sale nickel candies...and dime bags. It's that lunchtime diner that always has a special and is conveniently situated across the street from my work. I'm always full afterwards, and not in that "Why did I eat all of this?" kind of way. It's the tunes whispering from the FM radio under the table belonging to the group of old gentlemen playing chess on the block in front of a Brooklyn stoop. It's that cup of Gran Gran's just-sweet-enough lemonade that you grab as you call "Time out" to pause and catch your breath from playing tag with your siblings and favorite cousin, Maxine. It's the corner store that sales liquor but not on Sunday because it's right beside the neighborhood church and well, it's position in relation to God kind of makes it holy, too. It's pinky promises and falling off your bicycle and seeing the color of your blood on concrete not knowing that some forty odd years ago someone who looks like you saw the color of their blood on cement after falling, or rather, being pushed to the limits of separate but equal. It's singing in the shower and lady parts and tampons and first kisses and favorite jeans and your first pair of Jordan's and your failed, but fun attempts at learning Beyonce's latest choreography from YouTube and his breath on the back of your neck and the tightness of her thighs and that ugly dude from high-school who still thinks your the most beautiful person he's ever seen. It's wet dreams and new dances and old steps and your favorite song that you can't help but announce "That's my shit!" every time it plays like it's the first time and hugs from the right one and "Fuck the world" because of the wrong one and house parties and the last day of school and the first day of summer and the sniffles and whoopings and downright beatings! and the job you work to pay the bills in hopes of making money from the hobby that will be your career if you stick to your five-year plan that is a precursor to the ten-year plan and the back-up plan and the bailout and Obama but more importantly Michelle and finally realizing America exists because of people like you and in spite of you and Saturday morning cartoons and BET and The Color Purple and Celie and Oprah and “American Idol” even though no one worth mentioning came after the third season...you know the one with Fantasia and J-Hud and your best friend reading your work or maybe just reading you and saying "This is good."

Yeah, this is my blog. And this is me...mostly.

I like the RADIO

June 21, 2009

Mic On Monday: Dear Daddy...




Barack Obama is in the White House. America must now confront it's belief that black men are not in the home, that black men are not good fathers, that black men cannot provide for their families. Mr. Obama may be the father of a new hope & this era of change, but good responsible and nurturing black fathers are more prevalent than The Maury Povich Show would have us to believe. The positive black male presence is non-existent in most mainstream media. If a black man gives back to his community, he's given a 30-second blurb on the evening news; however, when a black athlete or musician commits a crime, he's glorified as if his poor behavior is what is to be expected of all black males. Anything better is frowned upon or ignored. Rappers T.I. & Lil Wayne provided money, afterschool programs, and housing for their respective communities. MTV & even BET covered the stories in less than five minutes. T.I. was recently incarcerated for weapons charges and Lil Wayne is facing jail time as well. Both artists' crimes and jail sentences have been the subject of several media outlets' Top Stories lists. Thus, it is easy and commonplace for the general public to perpetuate the lazy, careless, & absent black male stereotype.


Father's Day 2009 is a prime time to reflect on those men who have been present in our lives as father-figures. It's easy to look celebrities and socialites as if they are our only source of leadership. But, there was a time before our infatuation with glitz and glamour that we valued the town police officer, doctor, fireman, teacher, & pastor. Being a father figure and a positive male role model was important and a privilege that held more prestige than rims, bling, and the amount of women one has. Many insensitive, aimless, irresponsible males do create offspring and choose not to care for them. However, our society chooses to publicize their shortcomings & apply them to the majority who do care and provide for their families. This year's celebration of fathers should reflect the change Obama speaks of and the hope of America's future. We should rebel against the recession that aims to discount our fathers' presence and their great works. Our fathers deserve to be acknowledged for more than simply aiding in our conception.

To My Father


Daddy,

It's been said that I have your ears & your temperment. I hear your voice when I stray from the path I know to be right for me. I hate getting dirty but because of you I know that a gentleman can sweat and get the job done and still look smooth and be attractive. I am slow to speak because you taught me that actions always speak louder than words, unless an ass-whooping was in order. You never taught me to wait for anyone else when I could take care of myself. I know what hard work is, but more importantly I know what hard work & good planning can accomplish because I see it everyday when I look in the mirror and reflect on our home & our life. I know that I have the world in my hands because you've placed it in my palms. I know that negativity isn't worth my time & that negative people don't deserve my company. I know that you're proud of me & that you love me; your hugs tell me that this is true. I know that you may not always understand me but you still listen and let me sort through my own confusion. I know that I have safety & peace & assurance because you're only a phone call away. You welcomed my partner into our family & we're both grateful for your support. He reminds me of you in many ways, but the longer I am with him I realize that I remind me of you. My limbs are becoming wrought with veins that say
"I'm not afraid to take my future into my own hands."
Those same veins are what I prayed for when I didn't think I looked enough like you. I wanted people to say I looked strong like my daddy, that I spoke strong like my daddy, that I made every moment count like my daddy. I'm still learning. I can still shit-talk with the best of 'em because you taught me that sometimes life is just bullshit and trees. I know that my daddy is the first man to love me without any strings attached and Scott's learning this, too.
Thank you, Daddy, for not letting go when you could have so many times before.
I love you, Michael.


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Posted by the envy of the world at Sunday, June 21, 2009 0 comments Links to this post

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June 16, 2009

MIC ON MONDAY...on Tuesday!

What do you want to do before you die?

 

A grim, poignant, & tangible question it is. But, really...what do you want to do before you kick the bucket, fly the coop, go to heaven, burn in hell [Insert Samuel L. Jackson's "A Time to Kill" voice HERE.], bite the bullet, dream the sweet dream, kiss the world goodnight, head six feet under, push up daisies, take the eternal slumber?

 

Our country's current economic recession has made some of us a bit more cautious with our money, pinching our pennies, if you will. For some, it's a call to spend freely, and supply the economy with the money it so desperately needs. For others, the recession has many of us focusing our energy & money on tangible, practical, short-term goals. Either way, with this focus comes an awareness of one's own morality.  Thus, our life priorities begin to manifest in the small day-to-day happenings: choosing to have movie night at home instead of a night on the town, at home manicures & pedicures instead of visiting the local spa, emailing (or, writing a letter!) instead of using all those daytime & anytime minutes, & carpooling. All of these require that our home unit or family/friend unit becomes priority. We recognize our need for one another during times of stress.

 

I brought this conversation up because with all the “Doomsday” propaganda negatively destroying our psyches, it’s good to remind ourselves how the recession is helping us (in the words of songtress India.Arie) “get back to the middle.” The next time someone bums a ride, cigarette, book, or dinner please realize that you are seeing firsthand the effect of our economy bringing people together. This is remarkable when you think about how often class and economic status works to separate us from one another.

 

SO…what does this have to do with your bucket list? Well, sometimes spending time with friends & family will yield perspective, perspective that will help you realize how important it is that you pursue your dreams & make them a reality. It’s high time that we all pound the pavement, travel roads less traveled, & make each day count towards achieving our best life & our best selves possible.

 

Go make somethin’ happen! And don’t stop being AUTHENTIC. While you are at it, extend some of that AUTHENTICITY to the AUTHENTICALLY challenged.

 

mic


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Posted by the envy of the world at Tuesday, June 16, 2009 0 comments Links to this post

June 12, 2009

What does Gay pride mean to you?

With the first black president deeming June LGBT Pride Month, irony manifests. Such a great stride forward to increase LGBT visibility is bittersweet because it exists in the shadow of the black community's deep-seated homophobia. Also, June is recognized as Black Music Month, celebrating black Americans' contributions (LGBT & otherwise) to American & World music. Thus, a visible black LGBT musician would make a lovely posterchild for this month. (Any suggestions?)

I hope this month of LGBT Pride will increase minority support, inclusion, & participation within the LGBT community. Thus far, the consensus with many minority LGBTs is that one has to choose one's race OR sexuality alliance. This should not be; however, if minority LGBTs don't feel included in the marches, the petitions, the round ups, the media coverage...how are we to truly celebrate?

 
 

Sent to you by the envy of the world via Google Reader:

 
 

via MALE by thegayte-keeper on 6/5/09

¿WHAT IS GAY PRIDE? Gay Pride is a movement that celebrates the GLBT community. This movement emerged in the 1960s. It came out of a time when mainstream society tended to view being GLBT as something shameful or inferior to being heterosexual. The term PRIDE was deliberately chosen counter the idea that there was something embarrassing or wrong with being gay. In many places, Pride occurs in June to commemorate the famous Stonewall riots. These riots occurred in 1969 as a response to homophobic raids that were happening at gay bars. During raids, police would drag people off to jail on fake charges, even if they weren't committing crimes. But on June 27th, 1969, GLBT patrons of New York City's Stonewall Inn had had enough and fought back when police tried to arrest them. This culminated in what are often called the Stonewall Riots. These are seen by many as the birth of the GAY RIGHTS MOVEMENT. Many communities refer to June as GAY PRIDE MONTH and hold Pride Parades and other events during this time.  
 
¿WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO YOU? Long gone are the days when I didn't feel proud to be exactly who I am every day, so why the need to reaffirm that we aren't still living in shame? Can't we just name it National Gay Day and get a three-day weekend out of the deal? For now, let's just unveil GAY PRIDE DAY for what it appears to be…a rapidly becoming commercialized semi-holiday with corporate-sponsored parade floats, inflated admissions to bars that are normally free and overpriced circuit-party tickets for people still using expensive designer drugs. For me, GAY PRIDE GAY, like New Years Eve has become another excuse for having expectations of a fantastically memorable experience; one that hopefully involves some romance with a few shirtless AND sweaty muscle boys. I try not to be cynical and callous because GAY PRIDE means so much to so many, but it seems to have been misplaced between sex AND fun. I can't help but feel like year after year this event is like a fake orgasm we go through the motions, courting an elusive satisfaction that never comes… 
 
¿WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SHOW YOUR PRIDE THIS YEAR? This month I'd like to see something different done that draws attention to the wonderful events taking place throughout June. After the many costume change into drag and we dance the time away to Jennifer Hudson's AND I'M TELLING YOU, I'M NOT GOING…What is the one thing that will hold you until PRIDE comes around next year?






 
 

Things you can do from here:

 
 


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Posted by the envy of the world at Friday, June 12, 2009 0 comments Links to this post

June 10, 2009

New Obama Portrait Offers Revisionist History

I really enjoy this. So much to say. SIDENOTE: WTF is Carson Daly added to this list of socially & historically monumental figures?

 
 

Sent to you by the envy of the world via Google Reader:

 
 

via ANIMAL by Will Sherman on 6/10/09

obama-maze-creek-studios

President Obama had a packed and star studded crowd gathered for his inauguration in Washington D.C. By all accounts it was a monumental day, but imagine how much more awesome it would have been if a ton of dead people showed up to cheer him on. Artist Andy Thomas did just that, painting the President delivering his acceptance speech to a crowd that includes Rosa Parks, Abe Lincoln, John F. Kennedy Jr., Lyndon Johnson, Frederick Douglass, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, and Carson Daly in the bottom right corner. The painting, titled "Change," is available as a print, giclee on canvas and even a jigsaw puzzle if you want to make this historical occasion even more confusing. |OAR|


 
 

Things you can do from here:

 
 


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Posted by the envy of the world at Wednesday, June 10, 2009 0 comments Links to this post

Gays Everywhere Can Marry…WELL…Virtually

 
 

Sent to you by the envy of the world via Google Reader:

 
 

via (title unknown) by www.blackgaygossip.com on 6/8/09

thesims3

The latest release from "The Sims" video game franchise, "The Sims 3," now allows for gay couples to marry. The Sims series is a life-simulation video game and bestseller for manufacturer EA games. In previous versions of the game, gay couples could live together. Now, same-sex couples can plan a wedding and walk down the aisle to matrimony.

Now for the entire "real" world to follow suit.


 
 

Things you can do from here:

 
 


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Posted by the envy of the world at Wednesday, June 10, 2009 2 comments Links to this post

It's Wednesday and I'm...

…listening Sara Bareilles’ “Love Song.”

 

…eating a chicken sandwich.

 

…blogging at work.

 

…seeing Friday on the horizon.

 

…realizing that I owe it to myself to nurture the spaces that allow me sanctuary and freedom and love.

 

It’s Wednesday and I’m just thinking.

 

m./e


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Posted by the envy of the world at Wednesday, June 10, 2009 0 comments Links to this post

June 8, 2009

Mic on Monday: Love is so 20th Century.

When it comes to love, would you rather have romance or stability? Live happily ever after or simply live knowing that the bills are paid?

 

It’s amazing how such a question can come about. I was watching “Moulin Rouge” as part of my Sunday afternoon chillax session and the scene where Nicole Kidman’s character, The Courtesan,  must sleep with the financier in order to save her lover’s  (Ewan McGregor) stage show. The financier claims that it is absurd that The Courtesan would settle for Ewan McGregor’s character, the poor bohemian writer, especially when the financier can offer her a life of financial security.

 

One cannot deny that our most recent economic climate is affecting our relationships. In 1999, it was a tad bit comical when Destiny’s Child asked “can you pay my bills, bills, bills?” But, nowadays this question may not be out of the realm of reason when it comes to post-9/11 relationships.

 

Money can’t buy you love, but it can keep the lights on.

 

Stay AUTHENTIC.

 

mic


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Posted by the envy of the world at Monday, June 08, 2009 0 comments Links to this post

June 1, 2009

Mic on Monday: BLACK MUSIC MONTH: Aretha Franklin

On May 31st, 2002, former President George W. Bush proclaimed June as Black Music Month.  

 

Aretha Louise Franklin (Source) also known as “The Queen of Soul,” has this to say in regards to music:

 

“I sing to the realists; people who accept it like it is.” (Source)

 

It is the realist who blooms within the confines of truth, no matter how dark, dank, harsh, or cold it may be. In the wake of our country’s transitioning beyond recession, sexism, racism, homophobia, and ultimately hate, let us remember that music is the intersection where we all meet in spite of difference. June is but a moment in American history when we can support black/African-American efforts to cement Music’s place in all of our lives.

 

mic


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Posted by the envy of the world at Monday, June 01, 2009 0 comments Links to this post

May 18, 2009

To my Homie, Lover, Friend...Happy Birthday, KHOLI!!!

She walked into the room, following a line-up of young women that I watched from across the room. She, however, with a fire-red mane, super-fab glasses that hid eyes that I would later find to be too honest for their own good, and a grin that caught my eye because I caught hers. What can I say? I’m kind of amazing. (Actually, as I was introducing myself to the room, I opened my mouth and my man-voice was M.I.A. “I fly like paper, get high like planes…”) I apologize for my shameless plug during my attempt to honor my boo. I also apologize for my failed attempt at false modesty. I AM amazing…like Yeezy and Jeezy.

 

So…the grin. That grin told me that she “saw” me and said grin also told me (later) “Nigga, I got plans.” But, that story is for yet another day. Over the course of the summer of 2006 and the years to follow Ms. Kholi has made it evident that friendship, love, respect, passion, and total freshness (not like body deodorant, but like “flyy,” the now defunct “swag,” and “bad” like…[Insert Michael Jackson voice here] “Who’s bad?!”) are important to her expression as a woman and as a human being.

 

I love Kholi because

1.       She enables my random ridiculous dramatics (e.g. the aforementioned shameless plug…still many more to come).

2.       She is THE only person I allow to call me MIKEY (the way she says it is so CUTE…like me *told you*).

3.       She is smart like flash cards and times tables.

4.       She sends the best text kisses. I promise you that when my phone receives a Kholi “muah;)”, I know my unlimited daytime minutes are well spent.

5.       My mom still calls her “my enabler”; which is really the pot calling the kettle black. Trust me.

6.       She wrote in my journal…and I have to admit that I read it from time to time to remember “us and our plans”…cause we got’em, yo.

7.       She has a dangerous obsession with shoes.

8.       When I told her that I wanted to be a stripper when I grew up, she said no. When I begged and used my charm, she still said no. She’s still saying no as I type this.

9.       She inspires me.

10.   She told me this, “Mikey, we’re trophy’s.” …and I believe her.

 

C.Y.T.Kholi, I love you. You’re my girl, sister, lover (of my soul), homie, and friend. I am so proud to label your presence in my life, knowing that none of these words properly express your impact in my world. Thank you and Happy Birthday, ma. You are truly an AUTHENTIC chick.

 

Love,

mikey


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Posted by the envy of the world at Monday, May 18, 2009 0 comments Links to this post

May 11, 2009

Mic On Monday: Mama, can you hear me?

Yesterday, May 10th, marked the first Mother’s Day under an African America/Black President of the United States. This new era of change and hope ushers in a host of questions and concern. On my heart yesterday, as I told my mother thank you for supporting me and loving and enabling my manhood and humanity, I meditated on the children that we’ve lost within the past few months whose mothers have to grapple with supporting their child against the wish of greater society or choosing to participate in the conformist thinking of fundamentalist America. It is really important to me that the work that I do and the energy that I place into the universe encourages the humanity in LGBTQ-SGL children in spite of the negativity that rests beyond our doorsteps and even in our homes. My prayer this Mother’s Day was that our mothers, fathers, and children can begin to fight for the sanctuary our humanity deserves so that no matter what, all of our lives will be lived in the most open and positive of lights. I want mother’s of non-heterosexual children to be able to say “I love my child. I am proud of my child. I support my child,” all without the worry of what our world will think or do to spoil such a proclamation.

 

Please add names to this list of children who cannot say “Happy Mother’s Day.” Please add names to this list of children whose mother’s will not hear “Happy Mother’s Day.” Please add names to this list so that we will not forget the work we must do to honor these innocent souls.

 

 

We begin here:

 

Jaheem Herrera

Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover

Lawrence King

 

 

mic


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Posted by the envy of the world at Monday, May 11, 2009 0 comments Links to this post

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