DYK

Today we are bringing a new segment to the Revolting Blog. It's a "Did You Know" deal where we will write some things and you ask yourself, "Did I know that?". I have included a pic of Kendall's 4 girlfriends he was lucky enough to have before being rescued by Julianne. You're welcome. Now on to the DYK!!!!!!


DYK

-that the Revolting Blog was started by me as a joke to make fun of my blogging sister and cousin (Boot and Brandy).

-that Scott Bunch can still do the weed eater (a dance he was once famous for)

-that Maholli more than likely still doesn't know he has been fired

-that Bunch and I are soccer coaching legends, despite the fact that we know little to nothing about the game. Ho actually knows a little. My goal is to pull a "Warford" and steal the MC soccer coaching job from Grant Sharp.

-that Kendall Smith was responsible for all the choreography and production of the now famous 1994 "Sex Me Remix Part 2" video.

-that Michael Miller's son is known as "Cowboy", which by default makes Spilla "Jellybean".

-that John Calipari will make more personal appearances across the state this week than Billy G. did in 2 years here.

-that Billy Gillispie is coming to a bar near you. He'll drink all your beer and sleep with your woman. Don't worry though, he'll be too drunk to do anything except sleep. Seriously, I want it to be known that I think Billy has a legitimate problem that I hope he can come to grips with and get the proper help. Despite my disdain for him as a basketball coach, I hope he can get his life in order and get back on his feet somewhere. Somewhere far away from Kentucky.

-that I was approached by local preacher and fellow MNHS 1994 grad Chad Moore the other day. He said he found the blog on a google search and he instantly became a fan of Deh Beh Films. The way he pronounced "Deh Beh" was way off, but we appreciate the support anyways. I hope Brother Moore didn't see any of the Gay Cops stuff.

-that the mother of Leslie (Brewer) Ashley is a Revolting Blog fan. She especially enjoyed the Deh Beh's "Dear Penis" video. Leslie told me she wanted to show her husband. I feel bad because I have gone blank and can't remember her name. She's "Leslie's mom" to me I guess. Leslie, please leave your mother's name in the comments. I'm very sorry.

-that Jason Courtney, aka JC Ice, has a passion for mowing.

-that Brian "Bob Gas" Bullock now lives in Ohio and hires workers for a "temp" agency. He recently told me that he interviewed former Kentucky Mr. Basketball and former filthy Card Tick Rogers. Tick is now playing overseas and was looking for work while he is in the states for the off-season. That little bit of information was a total waste of everyone's time, as I know that nobody cares what a former UL Cardinal is up to. At least he's not dealing drugs like most of the others. Actually he might be. I don't think Brian hired him. I wonder if Tick has ever dabbled in dental hygeine? I know a fellow UL alum who might hire him.

-that my youngest daughter just turned 1 month old. She's getting up there!!!!!! She's already gotten bigger. Bunch will be proud to know that she's never late for lunch. We can't feed that girl quick enough. Her biggest fits are thrown when she's hungry and she's gotta wait for one of us to make a bottle. I will post some new pics soon. Some say she looks like her mom. Some say she looks like me. Some say she looks like Maddie. Some even say she looks like her dad, even though the tests haven't came back and we're still not sure who that even is. Just joking, it's me. Jordan will kill me for that joke.

-that I saw the Sizzler's dad, "Howling Harold Hardison" yesterday riding a scooter. I waved and Harold and I both smiled and laughed. Jordan asked who the guy on the scooter was and I told her to watch her tone when asking about a legend.

-that I still have the Sizzler's 1998 Lab Student Of The Year Award. It was mine dammit!!!!!! It got left in my car after graduation I guess, and for some reason never reached the hands of the winner. I bet you haven't thought about that award for a while have you Slim? It's in a tub of old memories in my storage building I believe. I remember seeing it when I moved. I don't know why, but I never used it when searching for a job. Man that was stupid. It was right there the whole time, but I'm pretty sure your name is on it. I'm gonna look for it next time I'm out there.

-that the girls at Poole's Pharmacy Care are Revolting Blog readers. They all agreed that I am sexy when I wear surgical masks. I actually don't know if they regularly read the blog or if someone told one of them to go there to see pictures of Aubrey, but they were laughing about some of the posts the last time I was in there.

-that the number of blog readers tripled when Reggie Warford was hired to coach the Mustangs. Bunch wrote a post about the hiring and when you "google" Reggie Warford now, The Revolting Blog is the first choice shown. Pretty cool. I've also heard that when you "google" the word "douchebag", that all of our posts about "The Git" will show up.

-that this will be my 6th season with UK basketball season tickets and I will be watching my 3rd coach roam the sidelines. That's crazy.

-that the UK basketball players can't eat at Joe Bologna's anymore. They were apparently getting free meals. The school reported it and now they can't go there. The restaurant has a picture up of everybody who is banned. It's the only place in the world you will ever see Grant Sharp pictured with the UK players.

-that a nurse just came over here to the lab (I'm at work) with a catalog trying to sell me sex toys. She's having a party and is taking orders from people who can't make it. I told her my wife and I aren't into that stuff. But anyways, I wanna get something straight here. I need to make sure I'm understanding this correctly. They have parties now where you go into someone's home and buy fake weenies, edible underwear, and I can only imagine what else might be out there? What happened to Pampered Chef, Home Interiors, etc.? I bet girls flock to these things, which is stupid because if a guy (a straight guy) had one of these parties, girls would talk about him like he was the worst thing on earth. That's true.

Did You Know That This Post Is Now Over!!!!!! Thanks for playing along!!!!!!

Former UK Coaches Making News

It's not been a good couple of weeks to be a current or former UK basketball coach. John Calipari had his second Final Four vacated by the NCAA. Rick Pitino embarrassed himself with a press conference. Billy Gillispie got picked up for DUI. It's probably safe to assume Eddie Sutton was drunk somewhere as well, although I haven't read about it anywhere. Somebody probably cussed Tubby because Saul exists. We can't leave out Joe B. Hall. What could possibly have happened to jolly ole Joe B.? I'm guessing prostate trouble.

Nice pic Billy. Is it me or has Billy gained weight since getting canned?

In what I considered one of the stupidest things Pitino has ever pulled off, he called a press conference to ask the media to quit reporting lies. He called a press conference that was televised by all the major sports networks and tv stations across the state to say that he was tired of the negative attention. This story was pretty much dead (to my surprise) until Rick gave it new life. Does Rick not realize that most people think Karen Sypher is crazy? The coverage being shown was only reinforcing those thoughts. Once again Rick brought up a national tragedy to deflect some of the attention to his "indiscretion 6 years ago". This time it was the death of Ted Kennedy. Last time is was 9/11. It makes one wonder what dastardly deed Rick pulled off during Hurricane Katrina. What was this scoundrel up to back when the space shuttle exploded? There are so many tragic events left for Rick to turn to. I've gotta believe this isn't the last presser we're gonna see. Rick also informed us that anything we are told is a lie, unless it was something he told us. Thanks Rick. Play on, Playa!!!!!!

Soccer Season Is Here!!!!!!

The 2009 Bremen Soccer season is underway and the blue team is loaded and ready for competition. They are lead by the famed coaching trio of Huff, Bunch, and Vinson. That alone is enough to strike fear into the opposition. When you add in the Huff, Bunch, and Vinson players it just gets plain nasty for the other teams. The team has also added Dawson Guffy and Abe Walker to the mix this year and as you can already tell it's starting to get unfair. Look forward to many more soccer pics and posts as the season progresses.

Abe protecting the goal under the expert instruction of Deh and Walker "Texas Banger".

UPDATE: Shortly after this photo was published, Bunch was approached by numerous networks to do a new reality show. Negotiations for "Queer eh for the Deh Beh" are underway as I write this. Nice stance Deh!!!!!!!

Gavin, Abe, and the headless Chad Guffy

Dawson and Abe roam the field

Taking their time on the bench. Nice face Alex!!!!!! Whatever face she makes, she'll always look prettier than her dad. All blue team coaches can say that about our girls.

In case people in the crowd get confused when we put a player in front of the goal and ask them to stop the other team's shots, we spray painted "Goalie" on a shirt and force the kids to wear it.

Action shot

Clowning around before the team picture

Impressive team. The coaches were going to use the same hairstyles as Gavin and Kamden but Deh and I didn't want to hurt Ho's feelings since the mohawk look is out of the question for him.

More on field action

All new moms and babies are welcome at Bremen Soccer Field

My future soccer star, Aubrey Vinson attended her first game.

Intense

Thanks to the Leanne Walker Facebook page, which is where the photos were stolen from!!!!!!

Unique Wedding Entrance

I saw this video a long time ago and was going to put it on here, then forgot. I thought it was pretty corny at first, then I got to picturing my friends doing this dance, probably at The Deh Beh's wedding. I ended up loving it. Jordan liked it too. Chances are most people who look at this blog will hate it. Watch it anyway!!!!!!

Fantasy Baseball 2009

As we begin to wind down the fantasy baseball season and head towards the playoffs, I figured I would let everyone know who's in the lead and who sucks in The Revolting Baseball league. First of all, we are getting dominated by a man I have never met. A man who works with Bunch and Miller. A man known only as "Papaw". Does he look old, but he's really young? Is he really a papaw? These are questions I need the answers to. Regardless of age, "Papaw" is in first place by a large margin. Here is a rundown of the league standings. The top 6 make the playoffs and earn the chance to fight for the first ever Revolting Baseball championship.

1. Wild Boys - "Papaw"

2. Briar Creek Goatmen - Jeremy Vinson, 15.5 games behind "Papaw"

3. Pimpin In The Pen - Josh Brand, 45.5 games behind

4. The Untouchables - Joel "Ho" Huff, 46 games behind

5. Bremen Wookies - Tom "Asshole" Vinson, 47 games behind

6. Roid Rangers - Dustin "Muddyfoot" Harper, 48 games behind

7. Sharpeners - Grant Sharp, 9 games behind "Muddy" for the last playoff spot

8. The Deh's - Scott "Never Too Late For Lunch" Bunch, 15 games behind "Muddy"

9. Wildcats - Mike "Merle" Mcdonald, 21.5 games behind "Muddy"

10. Homerunhitter - Mike "Spilla" Miller, 35.5 games behind "Muddy"

We've got a great season going, with playoff seeds 3-6 being in a very tight race. It's not out of the realm of possibility that I could catch "Papaw", although it's unlikely. I just lost Johan Santana for the year, so I've got that going for me. It's also very possible that Sharp could catch one of the teams and steal a playoff spot. Don't count out The Deh's either. If "Papaw" and I can just be decent these next few weeks, we should have the top 2 spots locked up. It'll be interesting to see how it all goes down. Well, it'll be interesting for a few people. Most "normal" people don't care anything about our stupid fantasy baseball league, and for that I applaud you. Peace!

Fantasy Football 2009

The Revolting Blog has a fantasy football league now. I know that's what you've all been waiting for. Even though most of the readers couldn't care less about a fantasy football league, I'm posting about it anyway. I happen to like it, and I've always wanted to post a picture of a hot chick kissing an abnormally large football. Or maybe it's just a tiny chick. I'll look into it and get back with you later. Now on to the football. We had our draft this past Sunday. I got the first pick, which in my opinion turned out to be a curse. I got the first pick, which sounds great, but my second pick didn't come until the end of the second round. I can't help but think that getting a player in the middle of the first and the middle of the second would have been better. I'm happy to have Adrian Peterson though, so I'll quit whining. Here is a rundown of the teams in the first ever Revolting Blog Fantasy Football league. Shout out to Sizzler for putting it all together. He's already proving to be a good commissioner. He's nothing like Roger Goodell. You should have witnessed the way he let us talk in the chat box during the live online draft. He's "the peoples commissioner". I'm sure the millions........(pause for dramatic effect), and millions of the Sizzler's fans would agree. He even let "Hop" pick Michael Vick.

SCLSU Mud Dogs - Shane "Sizzler" Hardison, aka "Slim"

Bremen Bombers - Mike "Merle" Mcdonald

hops skull crushers - "Hop", that's all I know. I don't know "Hop's" real name. He works with Bunch and Miller at Precision Strip. I do know that. He sucks. I also know that. He can't use his thumbs and he likes the Michigan Wolverines. He also hates dogs, or at least he was the one who picked Michael Vick.

hefty lefty - Scott "Never Too Late For Lunch" Bunch, aka "The Deh Beh"

Bremen Wookies - Tom "Asshole" Vinson, aka "The only man to ever give Fat the raspberry"

bad news cats - "Papaw", the famous guy who also works at Precision Strip with Bunch and Miller.

Porcinis After Hours - Jeremy Vinson

redskins - Alan "Big" Hale

Team Dingleberries - Dustin "Muddyfoot" Harper

brook'sbunch - Mike "Spilla" Miller, aka "Jellybean", aka "Father of Cowboy"



Without knowing the rosters off the top of my head, I'm gonna go ahead and predict that Muddy's Team Dingleberries will be a pain in everyone's ass from the get-go. I'm also gonna safely predict that hops skull crushers will suck, in true "Hop" fashion. I just hope Spilla don't bail on his fantasy football team the way he did his fantasy baseball team. I also hope Spilla don't win. I still owe him $10 from the fantasy basketball league. Basketball ended forever ago. That's how long it's been since I've seen the one they used to call "Thumphammer". Good luck to all the participants, except for "Hop".

Movie Review Time

It's time once again for me to throw some movie reviews at you. I may have left out a few, but these were some that I could remember from the past month or so. Enjoy the reviews and remember that you may not like all of these silly comedies that I give such glowing remarks to. I am a bit immature when it comes to my taste in film.

This was definitely not one of Jim's best efforts but I enjoyed it nonetheless. It had some funny parts, which you would expect from a Jim Carrey movie. It's about a down on his luck banker who goes to a seminar and learns to say "yes" to everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. It co-stars Bradley Cooper, which is always a plus. You will remember Cooper from his famous role as "Sack" in the Wedding Crashers. Cooper also stars in The Hangover, to be reviewed later in this very post.

Race To Witch Mountain is a movie I watched with Maddie. I was mainly interested because it was a movie with "The Rock" in it. It's about 2 alien kids who get into Rock's cab and they go on an interesting adventure. Good family movie if you have some kids.

I liked this movie a lot. I'm a big Paul Rudd fan. I think he's a very underrated actor. In this one Rudd is planning his wedding when he realizes that he doesn't really have any friends, and he needs a best man. So he is on a mission to find one. He goes on "dates" with many different dudes trying to find the right "friend" for the job. Yes, one of them turns out to be gay. He finally meets that dude on the right of the picture. I can't remember his name, but you can see his penis in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, just in case you're interested. The dude is funny. They have some classic moments as their friendship grows. Watch this one if you haven't already.

Possibly the worst Will Ferrell movie ever. It was funny enough that I had to finish it, but it is far from great. Very far from great. I am a huge Ferrell fan. My wife hates him. Therefore, I watched this one alone. I'm glad I did because if I had somehow talked Jordan into watching this debacle, I would never be able to talk her into another Ferrell movie for the rest of our lives. How can you not like Will Ferrell? The guy was Ricky Bobby for crying out loud. He was Chazz Reinhold. He was Frank "The Tank" Riccard. He went streaking. He was Ron Burgundy. He was Jackie Moon in Semi-Pro. He was great as Brennan Huff in Step Brothers. He was Chazz Michael Michaels in Blades of Glory. He really must like the name Chazz. Don't forget, he was also Buddy in the classic and underrated Christmas movie Elf. Hopefully my wife will read about all of these legendary roles and realize what she's missing out on. I almost forgot. He also can rock the cowbell. I changed my mind. Go out and buy Land Of The Lost. It's great, and will probably get Oscar consideration.

The Hangover is the best movie I've watched in a long while. Much to the chagrin of Grant "Stretch" Sharp, I would not rate it above Wedding Crashers or Old School. We had this discussion. "Stretch" thinks The Hangover is one of the all time greats. I agree that it is really, really good, but I'm not putting it into the GOAT category like Mr. Sharp. It's about a group of guys who go to Vegas for a bachelor party and wake up the next morning and can't find the groom. They also can't remember anything they did the night before. Their room is a mess. There's a tiger in the bathroom. There's a baby in the closet, and they've got the keys to a stolen police cruiser. The movie is about their quest to find their friend, as well as the answers to the question: What did we do last night? You must rent this movie ASAP. It's worth the watch. My wife even liked it, and she's been known to diss my "immature" comedies. When you watch it, don't stop when the credits start rolling. The pictures they show during the end credits contain a lot of information about their night out in Vegas.

Seth Rogen fans will like this movie. I know I did. It won't go down as an all time great or anything, but it's worth your time. Rogen plays a mall security guard who is trying to catch a pervert who keeps flashing people at the mall. Ray Liotta is the cop on the case who gets in his way. Silliness ensues. As far as mall security guard movies go, I rate this one above Paul Blart, although Blart is much more "family friendly". If you're offended by an f-bomb, or I guess I should say several f-bombs, stay away from this movie.

This is another movie I got to watch with Maddie. That turned out to be a mistake. Although the movie stars Zac Efron (Troy from High School Musical, in case you live under a rock), it is not a good choice for a 6 year old. It wasn't so bad that we turned it off. It was more like just a couple of uncomfortable moments that snuck up on us. For example, the part where they handed out condoms at school. Not a lot of bad language or anything, just stuff 6 year olds don't know about, but they will sure as hell ask about. As far as the movie goes, I liked it. I thought I was gonna have to suffer through this thing, but it was pretty good. Matthew Perry (Chandler Bing for you Friends fans) has lost his wife and every bit of "coolness" he ever had. He magically turns into his old self (Zac Efron) and goes back to high school and becomes best friends with his own son. I don't know why they chose Perry to play the grown man part. I love Matthew Perry, but Zac Efron's a stud. Perry is kind of a dork in my eyes. It pains me to say it because of what I thought this movie would be, but I recommend it.

Hannah Montana: The Movie. I am gonna lose my "man card" over this one. I love to spend time with Maddie. She loves to watch Hannah Montana. Therefore, Jordan and I find ourselves watching Hannah pretty often with her. We have all grown to like the show and we actually were kind of pumped up to watch the movie. I think this was pretty good. It doesn't hurt that I'm a big Billy Ray fan, always have been. Maddie gets mad when I call him Billy Ray. "Daddy, it's Robbie Ray". That's what I hear all the time. That's Billy's name on the show. If you've got kids who like Hannah (Bunch's, I know you do), you will like this movie. If you don't have kids who like Hannah, you will hate this movie. Pretty simple.

This was one weird flick. I liked it, but it was weird. I've had a copy of this forever, and we finally watched it a couple of weeks ago. Samuel L. Jackson is a cop who gets some new neighbors, a young bi-racial couple. The dude is white, the chick is black. Samuel doesn't like it though, and pretty much makes their lives hell until they wanna kill him. I mean literally kill him. This has been out a while, so you may have already watched it. It ain't bad. It ain't great. I'm definitely not gonna call it a "must see", but it's not a waste of time either. Make your own choice, which I'm sure you would have done without my permission anyway.

To finish out the reviews, we will talk about Burn After Reading. Like any Coen Brothers film, this one is a little weird too. I can totally understand how someone would get lost and hate this movie, but I loved it. It stars Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and John Malkovich. That alone is enough to drag me in. Like most women, I'm a huge Brad Pitt fan. I guess you could use the previous sentence and substitute the name George Clooney as well. Clooney gets his due credit most of the time. I've always got the feeling that Pitt is thought of as more of a "pretty face". However, I think he's an excellent actor, and I usually love his movies. This movie is about Pitt and a coworker at a gym finding a disc containing memoirs from Malkovich's time working for the CIA. Malkovich had recently quit his job with the CIA and was in the process of putting together his memoirs when his wife decided she wanted a divorce. Her lawyer tells her to copy his files from their home computer to get all of his financial information. She does this, but also ends up with all his CIA stories on the disc as well. Then the lawyers receptionist loses the disc at the gym where the bumbling idiots find it. They think they have top secret classified government information that they can make money off of. They try to get money from Malkovich. Then they try to sell it to the Russians. Funny stuff. George Clooney is a government official who is having an affair with Malkovich's wife, and coincidentally meets and has an affair with Pitt's coworker as well. It all ends up intertwining in the end. I really like this movie. Jordan thought it was just decent. It's another one that's been out a while, so you may have already watched it. It's on HBO now I think, if you've got that.

Have a nice day!!!!!!

Sack lunch Story

I put my carry-on in the luggage compartment and sat down in my assigned seat.
It was going to be a long flight. 'I'm glad I have a good book to read, perhaps I will get
a short nap,' I thought.

Just before take-off, a line of soldiers came down the aisle and filled all the vacant seats,
totally surrounding me. I decided to start a conversation. 'Where are you headed?' I asked the soldier seated nearest to me. 'Petawawa. We'll be there for two weeks for special training, and then we're being deployed to Afghanistan .' After flying for about an hour, an announcement was made that sack lunches were available for five dollars. It would be several hours before we reached the east, and I quickly decided a lunch would help pass the time.. As I reached for my wallet, I overheard a soldier ask his buddy if he planned to buy lunch. 'No, that seems like a lot of money for just a sack lunch. Probably wouldn't be worth five bucks. I'll wait till we get to base.' His friend agreed.
I looked around at the other soldiers. None were buying lunch. I walked to the back of the plane and handed the flight attendant a fifty dollar bill. 'Take a lunch to all those soldiers.' She grabbed my arms and squeezed tightly. Her eyes wet with tears, she thanked me. 'My son was a soldier in Iraq ; it's almost like you are doing it for him.' Picking up ten sacks, she headed up the aisle to where the soldiers were seated.. She stopped at my seat and asked, 'Which do you like
best - beef or chicken?' 'Chicken,' I replied, wondering why she asked. She turned and went to the front of plane, returning a minute later with a dinner plate from first class. 'This is your thanks.' After we finished eating, I went again to the back of the plane, heading for the rest room. A man stopped me. 'I saw what you did. I want to be part of it. Here, take this.' He handed me twenty-five dollars. Soon after I returned to my seat, I saw the Flight Captain coming down the aisle, looking at the aisle numbers as he walked, I hoped he was not looking for me, but noticed he was looking at the numbers only on my side of the plane. When he got to my row he stopped, smiled, held out his hand, an said, 'I want to shake your hand.' Quickly unfastening my seatbelt I stood and took the Captain's hand. With a booming voice he said, 'I was a soldier and I was a military pilot. Once, someone bought me a lunch.. It was an act of kindness I never forgot.' I was embarrassed when applause was heard from all of the passengers. Later I walked to the front of the plane so I could stretch my legs. A man who was seated about six rows in front of me reached out his hand, wanting to shake mine. He left another twenty-five dollars in my palm. When we landed I gathered my belongings and started to deplane. Waiting just inside the airplane door was a man who stopped me, put something in my shirt pocket, turned, and walked away without saying a word. Another twenty-five dollars! Upon entering the terminal, I saw the soldiers gathering for their trip to the base. I walked over to them and handed them seventy-five dollars. 'It will take you some time to reach the base. It will be about time for a sandwich. God Bless You.' Ten young men left that flight feeling the love and respect of their fellow travelers. As I walked briskly to my car, I whispered a prayer for their safe return. These soldiers were giving their all for our country. I could only give them a couple of meals. It seemed so little... A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to ' USA ' for an amount of 'up to and including my life.' That is Honor, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it.' May God give you the strength and courage to pass this along to everyone on your email buddy list... I JUST DID

Revolting Blog Breaking News!!!!!! Maholli To Be Dismissed, Effective Immediately!!!!!!

Because of Rick Pitino's "indiscretions" 6 years ago, the Revolting Board Of Directors has no choice but to fire Maholli's ass immediately. They may not have the balls to honor the morality clause in the slick one's contract at the University of Louisville, but by golly we have huge grapefruits here at The Revolting Blog. We will do what everyone wants. We will kick Maholli to the curb, and we'll smile while we do it. Please enjoy the video tribute to Matthew J. Smith, aka "Maholli", "RTT", "MC Klecko". It was good while it lasted.

John Wall CRAZY Pro-am Mix: Future NBA Allstar? Dunk on Stackhouse!

This guy is unreal I get goosebumps when I think of him in BLUE next year.

John Wall DUNKS ON Jerry Stackhouse!!!

Cann't Wait!!!!!!!!!1

The Newest Vinson, Aubrey Jordan!!!!!!

This pic was taken when we thought we were just going to be at the hospital for maybe another hour to be watched on the baby monitor. Then they decided Jordan might be ready to go into labor so they asked us to go for a walk and told us to walk up and down the stairs as many times as Jordan could stand it. After a few trips from the 2nd floor to the basement she was progressing enough for the doctor to go ahead with the c-section.

The surgery team was prepping for an orthopedic case which was going to take an estimated 7 hours. Dr. Sutton (Jordan's doctor) won a battle with the orthopedic surgeon and delayed his surgery to get Jordan done. Jordan was not an emergency, but would have turned into one during the 7 hour time frame, so we won. For those who don't know, apparently Jordan has an abnormally narrow pelvic structure (a record "narrowness" according to doctors Sutton and Conatser) and required a c-section to deliver the baby. Dr. Sutton said if the baby had been 3 pounds or less she "MIGHT" have fit through there. So, we have known since the first appointment that Aubrey would arrive via c-section. It was actually scheduled for tomorrow. After winning the "Battle of the Doctors" we had to hurry and prep for the procedure. My mom (T), Jill (Jordan's sister), and Cathy (my stepmother) were the only ones there. Jill and Cathy just stopped by because they were worried and had no clue we were about to deliver. Jill walked in while Dr. Sutton was explaining the procedure and was very surprised. She just came by to offer a little support and say a quick "hello", having no clue what she was walking into. My mom and Cathy went scrambling to let everyone else know what was happening. Maddie was in Powderly at my aunt Sue's house playing with my cousin Stephanie, so my mom went to get her. Cathy went to get my Dad. They live one minute from the hospital. Somebody (I still ain't got it all figured out) called Jordan's parents. It was on!! I was nervous. The picture above was taken just minutes after I put on those scrubs. I put the picture on here only to show the pit sweat that I was able to accumulate in less than 10 minutes, probably less than 5.

Maddie was excited, but nervous. My mom had to stop and pray with her on their way to Sue's earlier that afternoon because Maddie was worried Jordan was going to die during the c-section. Maddie was the only person in the world convinced that her sister was coming that day. She didn't understand that a c-section was almost always a successful procedure. She said to my mom, "I love her and I don't want anything to happen to her". She was in tears and my mom told her that we just have to ask Jesus to watch over Jordan and everything would turn out alright. Maddie wanted to talk to Jesus immediately, so they pulled over on the side of the road and prayed. That's a sweet story!!!!!! This one isn't as sweet: When my mom went to pick Maddie up in a hurry to get her to the hospital, Maddie said "I told you my sister was coming today". She wanted my mom to hurry so that she could tell Jordan she loved her before she went in to surgery. They got there literally less than 20 seconds after they shut the surgery door to get Jordan prepped and Maddie didn't get to see her. I assured her she would have a sister soon and Jordan would be fine, but I really wish she could have been there half a minute earlier.

This picture is just to assure everyone that I am sexy in a surgical mask. You're welcome.

She had a little trouble waking up, still had a little junk in her eyes at this point.

Probably 1 minute old here.

Our first pic together!! Thanks to Melissa Fitch Harper for providing anesthesia as well as photography. Quite a talented young woman.

The family waits!! Grant Sharp is in his best "half gay"/"half Macaulay Culkin" stance, while wearing a shirt that for some reason requests that it's readers "EAT THE GATORS". Yes, Jill got her hair cut short. The haircut is significant. Not only because it makes Jill the hottest sister-in-law named Jill that I currently have, but also because it was a topic of conversation for my drugged wife during the c-section. She asked me if I was able to see who made it to the hospital, and before I could answer she said "I really like Jill's short haircut." Melissa and I chuckled at the randomness of that quote. I don't think anybody else even heard it. Everybody else in the room was still laughing inside about Dr. Conatser's hermaphrodite story. I don't even remember the story. I just remember that he was the only one that took it as a serious one. It's funny how surgery doctors and nurses have conversations during surgery like normal people do during dinner. Look back up at that picture and try to convince yourself that Grant Sharp shouldn't be a hairstylist.

Not sure what Dawson and Abe are doing here, but it seems to be some kind of tribute to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Porn fans will notice megastar, and my brother-in-law, Chad Walker "Texas Banger" in the background.

Aubrey had to stay in the nursery under the warmer for a few hours, but Maddie finally got to see Jordan after they let her out of recovery. She was relieved, but we all wanted to hold the new baby. Actually I had already held her, but I was the only one other than the medical professionals at that point.

Mom's first time with Aubrey!!!!!!

The honor of giving her the first bottle went to Nana Karen, Jordan's mom.

A very proud big sister!!!!!!

She opened her eyes a lot for a newborn.

Jordan's grandmother, Mrs. McRoy, with her new great-grandchild.

Random pic that I liked.

Close-up of Aubrey chowing down.

She was very excited to put on her fancy white outfit and get her picture made.



More stuff to come soon, including a few videos.

FFL

Hopefully this works...

League ID: 395615
League URL: http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1/395615

tentative online draft is Friday, August 21st @ 7:00 pm eastern

Bible School 2009

These are some videos I took at the GRC VBS 2009 commencement. I love initials. Green River Chapel, Vacation Bible School. I have long ridiculed my wife for her less than stellar video skills. However, I managed to bring some of the shakiest camera work ever to GRC last Friday. I think I was on the same stuff Abe was on. Neither one of us could be still. The vids are labeled as Maddie and Abe, but you will also see a little bit of Tate "little mud" Harper in the Abe video. You will also see a lot more than you want of the back of Delanna's head. After evaluating the backs of everyone's heads, I determined that Delanna's was the best, so I got lots of it on film. Actually, she just kept getting in my line of sight as I tried to keep the wild child Abe on the camera. Maddie's friend Erin also kept me from keeping Maddie on the camera the whole time. Sorry, I do the best I can. One last thing: somehow I managed to have the camera on the lowest quality setting. I don't even remember changing it. You lose a lot of quality when uploading to Youtube anyway, but it still could have been better. If you have managed to read all of this, see you at the family reunion. That's a joke to my step-mother. I always tell her that I don't post as much family stuff as Boot because nobody cares about it except for the few family members who read the blog. She disagrees. So, enjoy the videos!!!!!!